Sara Doane: Trying to Make It

DIY Projects!

2012-01-22T22:18:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and felt like going thrifting. Despite our new, terrifyingly tight budget, I decided to take advantage of this rare mood and find some things to spruce up our decor a bit. Since it's Sunday, the only place I could find that was open was Goodwill, so there I went.

I found eight small photo frames that were in horrible condition, with disgusting photos inside of them, that I could see had potential. They were only a dollar a piece!

I also found two golden-yellow stars made out of some flimsy metal that were $8 each (more than I would have liked to pay, but they caught my eye).

In addition, I found a small wooden floating shelf still in it's wrapper for only $3! It's probably not well-made enough to hold up anything of significant weight, but it should do in the bathroom over the toilet for some nice candles (as bathrooms often do appreciate lightly scented candles). It needs a coat of paint, though...something I didn't have the time for today. That will have to be saved for another day.

Here are some photos of how it went down!

First, the before and after of the photo frames! I love the chunky one with scrollwork in the corners, and I love the ivory spray paint! When these bad boys are done, they will have pressed flowers behind the glass. Then I will arrange them in a collage pattern somewhere in our apartment.

Here are the Before and After photos of the metal stars! I hung them over the couch, but decided not to put the finished photo up yet because I'm not sure if I like the pattern of the metalwork over the blue and white stencil pattern of the wall.

I also went to Home Depot today to buy a hanging kit for this mirror we found at Goodwill ages ago! It was old and ugly, but a few fresh coats of red spray paint gave it new life! I also hung the hats my husband and I wore on our wedding day over the flowers I used in our wedding...in a jar I decorated for our wedding. I guess this is our wedding corner! Like the antique record player and cabinet? I do! It's a loaner from my mother-in-law. She's the greatest!

So all in all, I'm happy with what I accomplished today. We finally have one more little piece of our lovely apartment "finished". I absolutely love this corner now (it's right at the base of the staircase on the right...sliding glass door is on the left). Before it felt so drab and boring. Now it looks like some thought went into it!

Thinking about it, I will probably move the stars into the kitchen somewhere and find something else to put over the sofa. Maybe silhouettes of myself and my darling husband? I've seen some other people do it (Christina, for example), and I absolutely love it, but my husband is always complaining that he hates his profile. :)

Spontaneous Human Combustion

2012-01-20T21:45:00.000-05:00

Most children have an irrational fear or two that plague them throughout the majority of their childhood. Some include being left and forgotten in a public place, the monster in the closet, being hit with the ball in gym class (the fear of which always seemed to be the actual cause of the collision), popping balloons, big dogs, people in giant mascot costumes, etc. Those fears, and others, follow children around for years upon years, constantly reminding them that something terrible could happen to them at any moment.

My fear was that of spontaneous human combustion. You know, it’s the sudden bursting into flames of a human body for no apparent reason and from no apparent source. If you ask me, it’s a perfectly reasonable fear.

I was seven years old, the perfect age for an adventure into the unknown. My mother, my sister, her friend and I were visiting my mother’s friend, Dana, in North Carolina. As soon as we began to see mountains during our drive from Florida, my face was permanently pressed against the chilled backseat window. A landscape of sparkling white slowly appeared before me. Trees that should have been green took on an almost gray color with white frosting, and fields that should have been grassy appeared to resemble a page in a coloring book in which someone had simply forgotten what color crayon to apply.

It was the first time I had ever seen snow, and my level of excitement was so extreme that I didn’t care that the temperature outside was twenty-million degrees below zero. I was bundled up so tightly, I could barely put my arms at my side, and the only bit of my face you could see under the black ski mask and my geeky glasses were my eyes. After everyone had a good laugh at my appearance, thanks to my mom overdoing it, playing commenced. Dana’s backyard was the best place I had ever been. We went sledding down the street, threw snowballs, made snow angels, and shivered. We shivered a lot.

After some time we were finally cold and wet enough to go inside, though some coaxing from the grown-ups was necessary. Unfortunately, being from Florida, we were completely unequipped with the proper footwear for romping around in snow. Our feet were freezing cold, and our shoes and socks were soaking with melted slush. We hung them to dry so they would be ready again for tomorrow and proceeded to make our way to the living room by the fireplace and the television. I was in desperate need of warmth and planted myself on the sofa seat closest to the fire. It was warm and inviting, and much easier to appreciate than any fire in Florida since it’s always unnecessary.

One of the grownups decided to watch a television show called “Fact or Fiction.” It would show some outlandish story reenacted by less-than-mediocre actors and then have the viewers guess if it was “real” or not. It was all good and fun until a story about something called Spontaneous Human Combustion. It went something like this:

There was an old woman who was taken care of by her daughter. The old woman said she wasn’t feeling well and sat down in her wooden rocking chair by her bedroom window. The daughter left, saying she would be back in a few minutes, and closed her mother’s door behind her. After fifteen minutes or so, she went back to her mother’s bedroom to find the doorknob incredibly hot to the touch. Fearing the worst, she flung the door open only to discover that everything appeared normal. However, something was wrong. Her mother was nowhere to be found. She walked over to the chair her mother had been sitting in and found nothing but a pile of ashes on the floor in front of the wooden rocking chair.

After watching the combustion segment on the show, I began to feel slightly warm. After a few minutes, “slightly warm” became “outright uncomfortable.” The program broke for commercials and promised the answer of “fact” or “fiction” upon return. I found myself praying and hoping for it to say “fiction.” What kind of strange occurrence could cause a woman to simply burst into flames without any reason? Why didn’t the old lady scream for help? What happened?

As the commercials continued to play, beads of sweat formed on my forehead and my heart rate increased dramatically. Thirty second commercials lasted longer than what was reasonably humane. Every muscle in my body was tense as I waited for the answer. Fiction, fiction, fiction…it has to be fiction, I thought. Nobody around me noticed my discomfort. My body must have been emitting steam, I thought. I was so hot.

I jumped as the last commercial ended and the program came back on. Finally, the moment I had been waiting for! I sat up, ignored my immense discomfort for a moment, and watched the television as intensely as if it held the key for life. To me, with my ever-increasing body temperature and sweaty brow, it did hold the key to life…a life devoid of people randomly bursting into flames.

With a cheesy smile, the host said, “So is it fact, or fiction?” There was a suspenseful pause, and then...

"Fact."

This was the end. God was smiting me for something I'd done in my seven short years on earth. That's what happens to those-who-are-smited. right? Death by spontaneous combustion? According to the television, which was all the truth in the world to a seven year old, some old lady was sitting in a chair enjoying the scenery from her window and burst into flames. A helpless old woman became nothing but a pile of ashes.

I knew my life was about to end. I knew that I, also, would be consumed by flames by some freak act of nature. I sought out comfort from my mother.

“Mom, I’m hot” I whimpered.

She looked at me, then at the fireplace and replied, “Move away from the fire, silly.”

I moved to the other side of the couch and waited to see if it was cooler. Instead, however, as time went by I felt like I was boiling.

Desperately, I made another plea to my mother.

“Mommy, I’m still hot.”

She felt my forehead. “You’re fine. You don’t feel like you have a temperature.”

I was on the verge of tears. Hysteria was building up inside of me like gas in a shaken soda can, but I kept it bottled up. I wasn’t the type of kid to confess my worries to adults for fear of ridicule. It was serious, and I didn’t want my mom to belittle my imminent death by telling me I was overreacting. Soon, I would catch fire while sitting next to her and then she would know that something had been seriously wrong. That would show her...yeah.

Dana had heard my pitiful complaints and called me over to the kitchen. I slowly walked to her, afraid to make any sudden movements, and she stuck a thermometer under my tongue. Realizing that Dana was trying to get to the bottom of my ailment, a hope began building up inside of me. Maybe she could fix me. Maybe she could keep me from combusting!

The thermometer began signaling that it was finished and Dana announced that I had a fever. It was real after all. My hopes of help were dashed as she and my mom ushered me into the bedroom and into bed.

“You need to sleep and get better so we can go sledding tomorrow!” exclaimed my mother.

They left the room, leaving the light on as I requested (if I was going to die, it was NOT going to be in the dark), and I lay completely still, sweltering under the covers. I would not go sledding tomorrow, I knew. I would not wake up. If I was lucky, I would be asleep when it happened and wouldn’t feel any pain. My first trip into snow had turned into my worst nightmare, and it was the last one I would ever have.

Obviously, I didn't burst into flames that night. Though I feel very sheepish for admitting this, the fear of Spontaneous Human Combustion plagued my existence for YEARS. I was seriously probably 16 or 17 years old before I decided I would not randomly burst into wild flames one night.

Hello Again.

2012-01-11T22:40:00.004-05:00

So it's been awhile, but we all expected that. Forgetting I have a blog is my specialty! Some quick updates:

I graduated in May. I now have a degree that feels very useless.
I work at a bank and make very little money doing it.
I haven't finished a painting in almost two years.
My family endured a tragedy last May.
My husband and I upgraded to a beautiful apartment that isn't mold-filled.
I'm designing my own website! It's at sadgarcia.com. There is a link on it pointing to here, so we have the potential for an infinite loop.

2011-02-03T17:57:00.002-05:00

Sometimes (meaning most of the time) these days I feel like this whole school thing is such a waste. I'm craving some kind of evidence that it's not.

Flashback!

2011-02-02T20:19:00.005-05:00

I decided that once a week or so I am going to post old photos from my childhood and reminisce. Should be fun for two main reasons:

1. I get to remember growing up, which is usually pretty awesome.
2. You get to see me as the nerdy child I was, and we can all have a giggle together.

Today's post is about something I noticed while looking for the perfect photo to blog about. I never realized it until now, but I think most of my childhood consisted of me wearing clothes that were much too big.

Exhibit A:

Disney...sometime after the first Toy Story came out, judging by the Toy Soldiers. Just LOOK at that jacket. Where are my hands? I don't know. (I'm also digging the pink sweat pants...aren't you?)

Exhibit B:

Disney again...I'm guessing the same weekend but different day. In front of some sort of Pirates of the Caribbean display? Anyways, I'm rocking the Sarasota sweatshirt but my hands are still nowhere to be found.

Exhibit C:

This may be the same year as well (or maybe a bit earlier, since I don't have glasses yet). I remember that dress...it was my favorite dress ever, and I wore it almost every Sunday for church. But look...my fingers are barely poking out of those puffy sleeves.

So it seems that my hands were in hiding for much of my young life. I wonder why Mom and Dad had so much trouble finding shirts that didn't eat me alive? Hahaha.

Note: Young children can not be held responsible for pink, high-water sweat pants and oversized sweatshirts bearing the name of the town they actually live in. Pleaseandthankyou.

This is ridiculous...

2011-02-01T19:10:00.004-05:00

Did I really not post anything on here for almost a month? What is wrong with me?!

I promise....I'm still running. No joke...its been over four weeks. That's a milestone for me!

In case you're wondering, I haven't lost any weight...but I do feel thinner around the stomach (my rear feels and looks the same. Oh well).

I'm also running twice as much as walking in my workouts, now. The last week was a 5 minute warm up (I run part of it), 3 minutes running, 1.5 walking, 5 running, 2.5 walking, 3 running, 1.5 walking, 5 running, and a 5 minute cool down (I also run part of that). My shins are starting to feel the pressure now. Yesterday was the toughest run yet, and today I'm feeling sharp pains and burning. Hopefully tomorrow will be better because its a new week and a harder workout.

Last Thursday I also had the privilege to photograph a great new band called The Reverie. My husband Alberto is the bassist and I've known the drummer and electric guitarist for several years. Would you like a sneak peek?

From the left: John-Michael (acoustic and vocals), Eric (electric guitar), Dan (drums), and Alberto (bass).

Hope you enjoyed that!

Progress...

2011-01-03T23:23:00.002-05:00

So I had a day of rest after my first day of walking/running.
The next day, I was supposed to do 8 minutes walking, then 8 1-minute intervals of running and walking. Then walking 4 minutes. Alberto, however, had a different idea. He wanted to go biking in the Flatwoods. I agreed, and we spent about an hour and a half out there.

IT WAS INSANE.

I had a bike when I was a kid, and on and off through college...but the extent of my bike riding was on the road in my old, quiet neighborhood, and around campus. Nothing crazy. I ride on one gear: fast. Yes, it makes pedaling harder, and yes, its harder to get going...but thats how I like it, no matter how many times Alberto tells me to shift gears. :)

I had never ridden a bike on anything that remotely resembled dirt or sand. In the Flatwoods, there was dirt and sand and leaves and roots, and HUGE roots, and hills, and drops, and narrow paths, and armadillos, and unseen animals rustling around in bushes menacingly. It was fun, but frustrating. We got lost. We were exhausted. I wanted to go home.

And my butt...OH MY GOODNESS. The bumping along on the roots was excruciating, and the soreness as a result was even worse and lasted longer.

But wow, it was an amazing workout. The skin on my arms did the same thing my legs had done before...they got all itchy and burning. The skin became all red and blotchy, too.

It was fun, though, and we're hopefully going again tomorrow, if I can borrow a bike.

Today I got back to my walking/running.
This time it was on the treadmill in our apartment's gym since it was dark outside and I don't feel safe running alone at night. I did a total of 1.12 miles...the workout I describes in the beginning.

The treadmill said I only burned 85 calories, and I'm really hoping thats an underestimate. >:/

Also, I've been trying to eat healthier! More on that later.

Here We Go Again...

2010-12-30T21:55:00.002-05:00

But this time, I'm REALLY going to do it!

I've said at least ten times in my life that I was going to start running, and keep running. About 8 of those 10 times, I actually started the running. And none of those times did I actually KEEP running.

Lack of will-power and motivation was to blame. Lazy? Yes. But since in the last year I've gained 12 pounds (in the form of a gut that makes me look 3 or 4 months pregnant and a much larger rear-end), obesity runs in my family, and I'm most comfortable when my jeans are unbuttoned, I decided it really is time I get in shape.

I posted on my Facebook status about this endeavor and told many friends and co-workers, and most of the replies I got were people saying that 12 pounds isn't that much, that I'm already petite, or that I've always been skinny, and am I crazy? Honestly, its very annoying. For a 5'1" woman who has always hovered around 105, YES, 12 pounds is that much. And since when is not fitting into any of your clothes NOT a good reason to lose weight? And people..."petite" does not mean skinny. It means proportionally small height-wise. That means I could be 200 pounds, short, and be called petite. Thank you to all of my friends who still think I look good...really, I appreciate it.

But when I look in the mirror, I see fat where I did not see it before. I see my stomach actually hanging over the waistline of my pants. I see myself weighing 300 pounds like relatives of mine in twenty years. I see a million reasons to start down the road to being the weight I want to be and being fit and healthy.

Now, the motivation and will-power previously lacking in my life is here at the moment. What if it goes away? I don't know, honestly. I do know that I am being more proactive about that possibility by reading health blogs, visiting Womens Health Magazine's website every day, visiting Runners World's website every day, and Googling whatever I can to keep my interest peaked.

Today was the first day of my actual training regimen. I am following the Beginners Running Guide from Women's Health Magazine. Today was 10 minutes of walking, then 6 minutes of alternating between running and walking...1 minute for each. Then a 4 minute cool-down.

It started off great! I felt empowered with my new running shoes ($22 Adidas from Ross!) and clothes. I felt AWESOME with my iPod playing rock music. I felt slightly worried that I would lose my keys (mental note: buy a lanyard).

After the first minute of running, however, the difficulty level shot sky high. I thought 3 minutes of running would be a breeze...oh boy, was I wrong. My whole body kept seizing up, and then I would realize that my form was really bad and try to correct it. Suddenly, carrying my iPod was a nuisance...and I did drop the keys (luckily, I somehow heard the "clink" of them hitting the cement over the sound of my music). When it was 4 minute walk-time, I was thanking the Lord Jesus.

When I got home, I walked to the kitchen to make a protein shake, only to realize I didn't have any milk. I pondered over the situation for a moment, and decided to walk/run to the gas station nearby to get some. Driving seemed like a stupid idea since I had just walked/ran about 3 times the distance.

Then it hit...OH MY GOSH, it was awful.

ITCHING...my legs, hips, thighs...itching and burning! What the heck? I have NO IDEA, but it was unbearable. I walked, and it went away. When I started running again, it came back. Could my own body be against me in this goal to better myself?

That doesn't make any sense!

I made it home after questioning myself several times about why I did not just take the car. I've learned my lesson...always have milk.

Tomorrow is walk 8 minutes, alternate walking/running for 12 minutes...4 minute walk. Somehow...I'm still excited about it!

And in case you're interested, here is a map of my walk/run today!
http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/us/fl/tampa/420129376407977481

Oh, a Year

2010-12-29T09:37:00.006-05:00

So, read my last post from over a year ago, and laugh or something, because less than a month later, God showed me that my best friend, Alberto Garcia, was my future husband!

We got hitched this past August 7th in Tampa. It was wonderful and amazing has been an incredible trip so far!

Here is a photo from after the wedding! We went to Ybor City with our photographer Mitch Heirholzer!

Another shot!

The back of my dress!

This one is one of our favorites.

We honeymooned at Disney and at Rainbow Springs in Dunnellon, FL. We hope to make the springs an anniversary tradition.

Life has been a little hectic since then, but I have to get to work now, so I will update more later!

An Honest Statement

2009-11-13T02:30:00.002-05:00

I have a soft aching in my chest. I'd like to say its because of many things, but I know the exact thing that caused it, and I have to say, I'm ashamed of myself.

I feel like even though I have learned that God is all that I need and that I can't fill any hole in my life with a husband, I find that it is very difficult to actually put that knowledge into use in my life. I yearn for that companionship. If I can't be wholly satisfied with God as my Number One, how can He ever trust me enough to send me my husband?

Sometimes I think I'm not meant to be married...that there is no man I could ever put up with or that could put up with me, and for awhile I am satisfied and quite happy to not have to deal with any of it. I thank God for those moments of content. Then, slowly and silently, the yearning, hoping, wanting, and waiting creep up on me and I find myself wanting more.

How could I ever want more than God? Its quite terrible. God provides everything that I need...why does my heart stray to man?

And whats worse is that aside from the inability to be content with just God in my life, I cannot fully share in my engaged and married friends' joy because jealousy creeps into my heart when I think about it too much. Of course, I am always quite happy for them...it makes me happy to see them happy and united with the partner God created for them. Its those little thoughts, though...the thoughts like, "Why hasn't God sent me my husband yet?" or "Why are they happy and not me?" that create that aching in my chest.

Its a mixture of discontent, sadness, jealousy, and guilt for feeling those things that settle themselves in for a little while. I need to pray for completion from God, not from a man. I need to pray that God would fix my heart so that I can really just feel pure joy for my friends who have been blessed with their partners.

Getting Into Shape

2009-11-08T23:49:00.001-05:00

I started running again. I've tried several times in the past to get into a regular habit of running, but it never caught on. This time, however, I have something that I previously did not: a running buddy! My best friend Alberto ran track in high school so he's a great runner and he loves it. He's been helping me and coaching me. Its been great...I've enjoyed it.

In other news, I've been starting on my final paintings for classes. Each class is demanding a 6'x4' canvas. I'll be working on masonite board. Its cheaper. Also working on a stop motion video for Electronic Media class and a paper for my Contemporary Issues in Art class.

I hate the end of the semester. 1 more month to go until its all over!

Ew.

2009-11-02T11:34:00.002-05:00

My apartment is disgusting. There is still a ton of stuff all over the floor from the move; I just haven't had the time to find a place for it all.

Also, my roommate's kitten is peeing everywhere, and somehow, only on my stuff. He's peed on all of my reusable shopping bags, except one, my color chart, my shoes, and my light box for photography, which is now useless because it has a big yellow stain on it. He's also peed on the carpet several times...and somehow I'm always the one home when he does it, so I always have to clean it up. The apartment smells like urine and there is litter all over the floor. None of us own a vacuum cleaner, so I'm going to go to the store today or tomorrow to buy one. I got my tax return check just in time because I'm about to go crazy.

I don't even like being home, so I avoid it. Its sad because I have a cat, too, and I feel bad for leaving him all the time. We have to find a way to make that kitten stop peeing everywhere except his litter box.

Tuesday Recap

2009-10-27T22:58:00.003-04:00

The day began with a ten minute snooze after my initial alarm, followed by a reluctant awakening and emergence from my warm covers. After my morning routine, I went to my 9:30am painting class and painted our TA wearing a costume of herself (it was made of felt, I think); it had this strange Muppet-meets-Chainsaw-Massacre look.

I was overcome with joy at discovering that my 2pm Contemporary Issues in Art class was canceled The entire day was mine! My friend Mark gave me a beautiful wood panel with 2 1/2 inch sides to paint on. Its large, though I don't know the actual dimensions. I think its larger than 30" x 40", which is my normal size for in-class paintings. I'm going to use the panel for my Paris exhibition submission (all the students that went to Paris this past summer with the School of Art get a show in late November). I'm going to paint some sort of cityscape...thing.

I spent most of the day at the BCM. Alberto and I went to Publix and bought some pizza rolls, some dessert, and some wart removal liquid. We're going to remove our warts together. I have two on my middle finger...right next to eachother...and they're still under the surface. They hurt and are annoying. So for the next few weeks I'll be burning off layers of skin with acid until they're gone! Hurrah.

I also worked on my movie project. It won't be done tomorrow. Oops.

My armpit is still swollen and painful. I kind of just feel fat on that side.

I decided to stick with my BFA.

I learned I can hold off on the Honors thesis until I do my art thesis a year from now. Excellent.

I talked to my mommy. <3

Alberto and I were drilled about our present status as friends, and that's always fun.

I am drinking cream soda from a glass bottle, and I feel vintage.

2009-10-27T01:08:00.001-04:00

I've come to the realization that I hurt the people who love me most.

Waiting Part II

2009-10-26T10:14:00.002-04:00

Today my swollen armpit and I are waiting in the doctor's office at school. The waiting room smells like poop, and there are twelve other sorry looking souls in here; I feel extremely healthy in comparison. I think I recognize two of them from Sarasota...its pretty weird when you go to college and in your "last" year, you think you recognize someone you probably haven't seen since elementary school...or those horrid days at the Boys and Girls Club.

Anywho, the smell is awful and I'm cowering in a corner because this place is a cesspool for germs. Nearly everyone is coughing, or has a puffy face, or is slumped halfway over in their chair. I coughed twice already...I haven't coughed in months, but I sit in this room for 10 minutes and I cough. I'm hoping its all in my head.

I have class at 11:50, but I have a feeling I'm going to miss it, or part of it. My professor will not be happy. I have a project due on Wednesday. Ugh, whyyyy? I will never take so many studio classes ever again. This has been motivation-suicide.

By the way, after talking with my academic adviser, I decided to stick with the BFA in studio art instead of switching to the BA. I would feel like a quitter if I didn't, and since I don't know what I want to do with my life, whats the hurry to get out of school? It's going to take me another year and a half, though, because I have no money; I can only take a couple classes at a time. Oh well...at least it won't be a year and a half of quite so much crazy as this semester.

Alright, I'm going to stop writing in case I get called soon. I doubt I will, but here's to wishful thinking.

I Give Up

2009-10-26T02:41:00.002-04:00

Ok. I give up! I'll do it! I'll go to see the doctor!

That was just me letting my body know that it has won. Tomorrow I will be heading to the student health center to see a doctor because this morning I woke up with a swollen, painful armpit.

Yep. My armpit.

Let me provide you with some context so that you will understand why a swollen armpit is forcing me to go to the doctor. I've been getting fevers. They're usually low, except that one last night was pretty high, I think. I've gotten 4 or 5 in the last two weeks. That's weird, right? There are never any other symptoms...just the fever and the dizziness and fatigue that comes with it. I take a Motrin, it goes away, and stays gone for a few days. Also, my skin has been really sensitive. I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but when I have a fever, I get really sensitive skin. Anything that touches it feels like sandpaper. Well my skin has been nearly-constantly sensitive since I started getting these fevers.

A few days ago, my muscle by my right armpit started aching. I thought I must have strained it, though I couldn't recall how. Last night it hurt worse, though I figured it was just because of work. Well this morning I go to shave and notice that its all swollen compared to the other armpit, and it also hurts. Whaaat the heck? A swollen armpit? I've never heard of that.

First thing that pops into my mind:

Its cancer.

Second thing that pops into my mind:

Its not cancer, but if it was, that would be a horrible place to get it.

My armpit? REALLY? Is that normal? I mean, if everyone gets a swollen armpit from time to time, I'm totally cool with it. Yes, its kind of weird, and yes, the extra sweating (did I mention that I'm sweating a little more than usual from that underarm?) is pretty annoying, but if it happens to everyone, I'm down for a little armpit swelling.

If my body is just being complicated, I'm going to be pretty T.O.ed, make no mistake about it! I'm pretty baffled.

A Saturday in Need of Improvement

2009-10-25T01:15:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning feeling terribly groggy because I went to bed ridiculously late, then slept in till almost noon. I figured I would adjust eventually and went about my day as usual. I watched some of the USF vs PITT game, but it wasn't much of a battle...we were pretty much handing PITT the victory with smiles on our faces. "Yes, sir, please, cream us." Alberto came by for a little while. When he left I got ready and went to work.

I found out that USF lost 41 - 14. Absolutely disgraceful. I heard they took BJ Daniels out...if that's true, I feel pretty badly for him. Anyway, work went fine for awhile. When it was time for my break, I began to notice I was getting chills. By the time my break was over, I knew I had a fever. My head was heavy and hot and I was shivering and sweating at the same time.

I had some waves of nausea as the night went on as well. I knew I was going to throw up....it was like a sleeping dragon, ready to rise and attack me at any moment. Some how, I did not find myself in a moment of trauma while hovering over the toilet bowl. The nausea eventually went away, for which I am very grateful. Vomiting is one of the worst things I can think of. Eventually I went home early. I was kind of light headed and so hot that I could feel the heat rising out of my shirt and hitting me in the face.

Now I can barely keep my eyes open....I'm pretty sure I just need some rest. Goodnight world.

Waiting

2009-10-22T12:35:00.002-04:00

A lot of life seems to be a lot of waiting.

Right now I'm waiting to see my academic adviser about my degree. I'm considering changing from a BFA in Art Studio to a BA in Art Studio. I will graduate next semester if I make the switch. If not, I'll be waiting here for at least another year, though probably longer because I can't afford to cram my semesters with classes. I'm tired of waiting to graduate...tired of saying, "I can finally get to work when I'm done with school." I have the opportunity to be done sooner, but I'm not sure if its the right choice for me.

The BFA requires a concentration in some art medium. I chose painting...I used to love painting, but this semester its just been a drag. I'm not sure what that means...is it a phase? It probably is; my moods and passions fluctuate more than I can keep up with. There is no reason I couldn't graduate with my BA and explore all sorts of mediums (I love photography and drawing, too).

And then there is the topic of grad school. I need to figure out what I want to get my Masters in. Painting, photography, drawing? What if I went back to creative writing? Education? Art therapy? I have no freaking clue. I need to spend the next year or so figuring out what I want. Its really hard to do that when my body, mind, and soul are stuck in painting classes.

Maybe I'm just trying to justify my desire to graduate earlier than expected. I have no idea. Getting my degree after four years instead of 5 or 6 would be really nice, I have to admit.

Terrifying, intimidating, and overwhelming, yes, all of those things. But nice. Really, really nice.

Starting Fresh

2009-10-21T21:50:00.002-04:00

I'm going to try to update this blog more often. I've been needing an outlet lately for all the stress and consuming thoughts in my life. I used to find joy in blogging; knowing that I was sending my insignificant hopes and dreams out into the massive web of whatever the web is made of brought me a sense of hope and companionship. It was like having someone to talk at who wouldn't try to offer me advice when I didn't want it. Sometimes a girl just likes to vent.

So what is there to vent about today?

I'm hungry, and all I have is pasta. I am sick of pasta. I grew up eating pasta several days a week. I'm now in college and pasta is one of the only things I can afford. Changing the sauce doesn't help. It really doesn't. Under the clever disguise of tomato, butter and garlic, or alfredo is still the same pasta. Chewy (or disgustingly soggy if overcooked), flesh-colored, bowtie or elbow shaped pasta. Pasta also takes other forms to mask itself, like those salty Ramen noodles you get for 14 cents at the grocery store. Or Lo Mein...totally pasta.

Every time I eat it in its various forms, I get sleepy. I get loaded with carbs and feel like sleeping until I die, or at least until my landlord evicts me for not paying rent due to my prolonged slumber. My entire plans for the day get ruined because I'm so tired. I have to cancel everything. Don't mock me, I'm totally busy. You don't even know.

And its not just that I'm tired of pasta. I'm Italian...its like I'm expected to eat pasta every day of my life. Can you imagine that pressure? Any time someone hears I'm Italian, they're probably assuming I make amazing pasta. Its true, I make great pasta, but can't I be associated with something else? I'm half English-Irish, you know. Can't I make great potatoes, too? Or tea? Or crumpets or whatever those crumbly-buiscuity things are?

I'm hungry, so I'm going to go rummage through my cabinets for something edible, but its hopeless. In the end, all I'll find that's suitable is pasta...with Vodka sauce.

2009-07-15T21:04:00.002-04:00

Well, friends, I'm back in the good ol' United States of America. First, let me say, what a trip! I learned so much, got over some fears, faced fears, even if I didn't get over them, made new friends, ordered food in two different languages, saw more art than I could handle, and was inspired beyond belief. I have so much to write about, and will probably do so through photos on here. I suppose I'll start from the beginning...but not tonight. There is too much on my mind; for this post, I simply wanted to say, "I made it."

Adventure time!!

2009-05-29T12:04:00.003-04:00

I leave in 2 days! Tomorrow I'm going back home to spend the day with family, then on Sunday morning they're taking me to the airport! Goodness, I'm so nervous.

My life has always been so mundane and just...unadventurous. Now that I finally have an adventure in front of me, I'm terrified! I've always been the type to love traveling...but the fact that its my first time leaving the country, my parents aren't around to protect me (I know, I'm 21, but you're never too old to have your daddy protect you), and I have NO CLUE what to expect just freaks me out. I don't like not knowing.

But gosh, I'm so excited, too! I'm totally unprepared, but I'm so excited! I can't wait to experience what lies ahead! Don't worry, I'll take a kajillion photos and post them on Facebook. I'll also be updating my blog here now and then, but not too often because I don't want to sit on my computer and miss everything thats going on. =)

Nine More Days!

2009-05-21T23:42:00.002-04:00

Holy moly, I'm in the single digits now. Nine days until I'm on my way to Paris. How exciting is that? Its pretty darned exciting...and scary. It's definitely a bit scary. I've never been out of the country and my total in-air time has only amounted to about 6 hours. I'm terrified of flying. I guess I'm going to get over that really fast.

I also just watched the movie "Taken." Every time I told someone I was going to Paris, they'd say, "Don't share a cab!" and then proceed to tell me that I should watch the movie. Finally, I have, and I was very impressed. It was total butt-kickery and name taking. My dad would definitely do that for me...except maybe without the use of martial arts skills because he doesn't have much. Anyways, I feel better prepared now for avoiding kidnappings (joking).

Tomorrow I have to go to the bank, order travelers checks and exchange dollars for Euros. Then I need to buy shoes. After that, I need to buy a "carne de voyage"...the book I will be drawing in, writing in, and scrapbooking in while I'm over there.

I feel like I have so much to do!

Self portrait. I realized I never posted this on here.

2009-05-17T17:50:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, when I'm surrounded by silence, my mind is filled with this incredibly loud noise. Its as if all of the sounds of the world are cramming themselves into my memory, and then my head begins to hurt. It's sort of like that loud hissing you hear at sports events from the crowd, but it doesn't sound like screaming, specifically. It sounds like...everything. I don't know if my brain is trying to make up for the silence in the room or if something else is going on up there, but at those times, I feel like I could go crazy. Is a little silence too much to ask for?

I'm going to try and take a nap...my head is too full.

Its Back!

2009-05-16T16:49:00.004-04:00

Florida summer is back and with a vengeance. Why did nature decide it was a good idea to make a place so hot that walking 20 feet to your car results in sweat-drenched t-shirts? I've been out west where the temperature can get up to over 100 degrees, but really, its not that bad. Its not humid out there. In Florida, the humidity makes you feel like you're melting. I was just in my car, AC on full blast, and I still felt like my insides were cooking...driving down the highway in my Honda Civic Microwave.

14 more days till I leave for Paris, and won't that be nice? Apparently, it will be cooler there than in FL. I can't wait.

In other news, part of being an art student means having no money, and guess what? I have no money! Good job if you guessed it. I have two weeks before I leave, and three weeks after I return, to find a new apartment. My lease is up August 1st, by which time I must be out of there. I don't have a roommate lined up...I just can't find one. I'm pretty picky, though, so its most likely my own fault. Its cool, though...I've decided that my last resort is to just rent a storage unit, put all of my stuff in there, and sleep at friends' places or in my car, if need be. I can handle it until I find a cheap enough place or a new roommate. I'll do whatever it takes.

Bring it on, world!

"Made in the 80s"

Really?!

2009-05-16T01:17:00.002-04:00

Okay....

WHAT?

I just watched the season finale of Grey's Anatomy (I know, I'm a day behind but that's because I don't own a TV and I have to watch it online). I am FLABBERGASTED. Yes...flabbergasted.

One more time....WHAT?!

****SPOILER ALERT****

George?! Dragged under a bus?! I mean, I expected Izzy to die...no biggie...I love her and all, but I expected it. Even if she's not actually dead...whatever. But GEORGE?! He's so sweet and kind, and if I had an older brother, he'd be like him. George is the type of guy who would be my best friend, and so I got rather attached to his character. Why couldn't they just have let him join the army and go? He could have left the show LIVING. But dying...in the miserable hospital...?! C'mon! Why do they feel the need to kill off George?! I don't think a TV show has ever made me cry so hard. How ridiculous. I'm absolutely fuming.

FUMING.

Back from a long hiatus

2009-05-13T13:15:00.003-04:00

I haven't updated in a long time. If anyone cares, I apologize!

The end of the semester was a whirlwind. I had final projects up the wazoo and very little time to finish them.

Sculpture was an absolute disaster. I won't even waste my time writing about it. I got a B+ in the class (somehow).

Drawing was so-so. I know I could have spent much more time on my three ink drawings, but my focus was mainly on my Real World assignments at the time. I got an A in the class.

My Real World class is finally over, thank goodness. It was an absolute nightmare. I stayed awake all night the day before my final journal project was done completing assignments in Starbucks. God bless whoever invented the 24 hour Starbucks. There is only one in Tampa, and it was 20 min. away, but it was worth it. I got a B in the class (which is a miracle because I wasn't sure if I was even going to pass.

And finally, Intermediate Painting is over, though, I have to take 3 more. Elisabeth Condon was my professor, and she is amazing. You can find her website here. Check out her art, its well worth your time.

My final project for my painting class were three 4' x 5' paintings, in oil, of my classmate Tim sneezing.

It was probably the most fun I've ever had painting in my life. I've made a commitment to never paint smaller than 30" x 40" ever again, and even that seems a bit small. The large canvas was soooo much fun.

Anyways, its time to go to work. I'll update again soon, I promise.

A Feeling of Inadequacy

2009-04-07T21:01:00.003-04:00

Its been a while since I posted here. Sometimes I just forget this blog even exists.

I woke up yesterday feeling completely inadequate. I felt like no matter what I did, it was useless; I felt like I wasn't good enough. Those sorts of feelings are not usually something I deal with. I usually feel fairly confident in myself and my abilities. I'm not sure what triggered it. It could have been the fact that my sculpture wasn't finished when it should have been, it could have been that I've been seeing a lot of amazing artists lately, it could have been because I've been so exhausted and stressed lately...it could even have been because I'd failed miserably at dancing last night and made a fool of myself. Whatever it was, it completely threw me off my game. I woke up, felt like no matter what I did that day, I'd fail, and went back to sleep.

I missed my 8:30am sculpture class. I went to painting class, but only because I hate to disappoint Elisabeth Condon, my professor. I look up to her. She inspires me.

I spent the rest of the day moping about. I went to work...the dull, monotonous tasks helped me to feel a little more competent. I'm a pro at working that register (isn't that sad?). Sometimes I wonder if I'll always need that retail job...what if art isn't enough?

Today I feel a little better. I still don't want to finish my sculpture. I can't skip again tomorrow, though, so I'll have to turn it in in some form. I honestly think I'll just leave it unfinished. I'm completely unmotivated. I'm burnt out. I would like to just slack even more, but that won't help because I'll just feel guilty.

I've honestly been feeling pretty down lately. I'm exhausted of all energy for art. Discouraged, for sure. Ever wonder where your friends are? I'm feeling like that now. Lonely, definitely. I don't know where to go next. I don't know....

Deceiving America

2009-03-19T23:10:00.002-04:00

I work at a grocery store as a cashier, and I can't help but feel disgusted with the tabloid industry every time a customer comes through my line and is astonished at the latest National Enquirer headline. 99% of the crap thats in those magazines isn't true.

1. Why are people so interested in the misery of celebrities? I can't imagine being so interested in the scandalous lives of someone I've never met, that I'd pay $4 for a magazine that reports fake stories.
2. Why do tabloids feel that they have to deceive people to make a buck? Why not report real, true stories about things that actually make a difference to society?

There is a real problem in America...people are more interested in superficial make-believe "he-said-she-said" stories than in the condition of our people, our country, our environment, politics, our wars, and the rest of the world. This disinterest in matters of importance worries me.

Americans....get your priorities in line, please.

Old School

2009-03-14T21:43:00.007-04:00

So I recently took all those photos, like I said, so I figured I'd post some of them here to share with whoever reads this, haha.

the first and the last were done my senior year of high school. The one in the middle was done my junior year. As you can see, I'm very attracted to line. I think I am going to try and get back into that style, just to see if I can take it even further.

79 Days

2009-03-12T23:51:00.004-04:00

I'm 79 days away from Paris. 80, if you count the fact that its going to take a whole day to get there, haha. I can't wait...I keep thinking about all the baguettes and brie I will eat while I'm there. Yummmmy.

I got excellent news yesterday, too; the Honors College at USF gave me a $1500 scholarship to help pay for the trip! That will take care of the last payment fees and leave me with $100 to put towards food while I'm there.

In other news, I turned in a huge project today in my class called Real Word. We made presentation portfolios meant to mimic that of a portfolio for job interviews and requests for gallery representation. It was really expensive (about $200) and really time consuming. However, now I have plenty of pretty photos of my work printed in 8x10 and many many more photos of my artwork on my computer. Hurrah.

Here is one now!

Nude model in my Intermediate painting class...finished it a couple weeks ago. Oil on canvas, 24"x36"

Lonely Blog

2009-02-23T09:42:00.001-05:00

Nobody reads this blog. Its sort of depressing, yet understandable. It's sort of boring to listen to someone ramble on about their school and artwork.

Drawing

2009-02-22T00:21:00.003-05:00

I love drawing...I love it almost as much as I love painting.

Here's what I did in my intermediate drawing class last Thursday:

Its Emilio! He's an awesome artist...check him out at his website.

What I am...

2009-02-12T18:35:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I realize something:

I, as a human being and as an artist, am average.

Average.

Average...

I don't WANT to be average...to be noticed by a couple people here and there who have no (or little) talent themselves...then to fade from their minds and live on for a little while in someone else's mind. Thats how average people are known. The important people pay no attention. The truly talented people pay no attention. The successful people pay no attention. There's no reason to pay attention. I'm simply average and my work is average.

What can I do to strive to be top-notch? How can I improve myself and my artwork to be worth something to society...to be noticed by all, not simply by those who are only interested in the fact that I can make pretty things?

My art is all I've been given at this point in my life...its all I have to focus on. God wants me to do something with it, but WHAT?

I don't want to be average. I will not remain average.

2009-02-10T00:21:00.003-05:00

I'm not feeling the art tonight. Its amazing how much creative energy being bored can zap from me rather than motivate me.

I'm just going to go to sleep soon. Can't be bored and unmotivated when I'm sleeping.

Hopefully something amazing will happen in the morning. Amazing or slightly interesting.

2009-02-03T00:53:00.003-05:00

I am feeling SO unmotivated. I have a lot of work to do. I'm not doing it at the moment...obviously. I started to wonder why I felt this way...physically and emotionally exhausted without the desire to create anything what-so-ever. Then I realized the answer...or answers...were very obvious.

I'm physically and emotionally tired because I'm a girl, and you know what happens to us every month. I don't care if this is TMI for some of you. Its annoying.

I'm physically tired because I didn't sleep much last night, and the quality of sleep in general as of late has been less than satisfactory.

I'm emotionally tired and have no desire to create anything because thats all I've been doing for the last 4 weeks of the semester. I realize I'm an art student and thats what I'm supposed to do, but everyone needs a break now and then.

To appease the blogging heavens (I don't know if that is a little blashphemous or not...) I will post a picture of the first painting I finished this semester. The first of the freaking 4 retarded zombie paintings.

I Forgot About Something...

2009-02-02T16:31:00.004-05:00

Ok, the sketchbook will come next. I realized the other day that I forgot to post photos of my finished commissions!

Unfortunately, I can only post the first, because I forgot to photograph the second. How awful is that?!

And the Insanity Begins Now....

2009-01-28T22:19:00.002-05:00

Sorry that its been so long since I've posted. I've been busy and lazy and forgetful...

The semester at USF is in its 4th week now, and I can tell you that I'm starting to feel the heat. Painting class has been my busiest. Elisabeth Condon (check out her work, its amazing), my professor, has been keeping us working constantly. I wouldn't mind at all if I wasn't finding myself being completely bored with the assignments. So far I have painted the same thing 3 times, but in a different style...and our next assignment is to do it a 4th time. So I will have 4 paintings of zombies. Now, I love zombies, but not that much. There's no meaning in zombies for me except that they're cool. I need to find a way to make zombies relate to my life...I have to make them worth painting somehow.

Not only am I bored with the zombies, I'm bored with our pallette. Its a Venetian pallette from the 16th century. Its 3 pigments: Transparent Red Oxide, Cold Black, and Zinc White. How boring is that? I need COLOR...bright hues, low yellows and greens....something thats not earthy red and blue-black. PLEASE.

Aside from class assignments, I have been wanting to make a painting of a guy I met at Barnes and Noble. When I finish it, I'll post it here and tell you the story.

Drawing class has been excellent. I love drawing. Lately, we've been drawing nude models, and the last two were both men. I do find men to be a bit boring to draw. Sorry, guys, you just don't have the nice shapes that women do. I will say that the first time I drew the nude male, I accidently made him look very well endowed. It was funny and embarassing at the same time...my face turned bright red when he thanked me. =P

Scultpure has been a great experience. I'm still afraid of the miter box saw, but its ok....I don't have to use it, really. Its all big and clunky and I have to put all of my weight into pushing it back. Our first project is due in two weeks. Mine should be very ineresting. All I will tell you for now is that it involves teeth. Many, many teeth. Ugh, its freaking me out.

My class called The Real World (about being an artist in "the real world", go figure) is interesting and boring at the same time. We have tons of work to do...its all due on the last day of class, so I'm supposed to manage my time efficiently. Thats probably the thing I am absolutely the worst at. Good luck to me!

My next post will have some of the sketched I've been doing in my sketch book for drawing class.

Thanks for reading. =)

My first real commission!

2008-12-17T16:59:00.002-05:00

So my MySpace and website have finally paid off! I have my first real art commission....I say "real" because the previous ones have all been from friends and family members. There is something so professional feeling about getting a commission from a total stranger who found me through my website.

I'm doing two charcoal portraits of a man's two children, and I'm getting paid $300 to do it! Hurrah! This money will be needed for my study abroad trip to Paris...especially since I didn't get one of the 4 $750 grants the school was giving out. For those of you who don't know, I'm going to study abroad in Paris in summer of 2009.

Anyways, I've started the first portrait. I'm pretty happy about it. I'll post pictures later!

The Toils of Art History

2008-11-13T00:08:00.002-05:00

I am trying to write a contextual analysis paper for Art History class about Edouard Manet's A Bar at the Folies-Bergere, but any sort of thesis statement is eluding me. Its due Friday morning. Ick.

That was my pitiful attempt at an entry. I've been desiring to create something lately, so be on the lookout for a new work of art from me soon.

Eat Your Words...

2008-10-10T14:38:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine told me a story last night about an engineering project he was working on. He and his group were making a machine that will pump water. Unlike the rest of the groups in their class, they didn't have the money they needed to buy expensive parts for their machine, so they decided to use what they had at their disposal.

The professor, upon seeing what they were making, ridiculed them for making something so "unscientific" and accusing them of making no calculations for the project. He said "This isn't the other side of campus where you can just throw things together...." He was, of course, referring to the art department and the works of art that we create.

Well, professor, you think we just "throw things together," eh? Well here is a man, who not only can perform all of the mechanical calculations that you prize so much, but can also do something you probably fail at miserably: create beautiful works of art.

Be inspired by Arthur Ganson!

Ok, thats enough videos...I just can't get enough of them!

This integration of science and art proves that the limitations in the art world are endless. Where exactly are the boundaries? I don't know, and thats why I love it! Combining the organic with inorganic...science with beauty...its amazing!

People, this is fantastic!

When Street Artists Organize

2008-10-08T21:01:00.000-04:00

These street artists in Australia decided to have a massive wheat paste art show. This stuff is crazy. I can't say I'm a fan of all of the subject matter, but altogether, its awesome nonetheless.

http://www.pastemodernism.com/

My ex would have loved this show. He's mindlessly obsessed with wheat pasting.

What is Art?

2008-10-08T01:16:00.000-04:00

This question arises all too often in art school: What is art?

The proper response should be: Heck if I know!

Art is so subjective that its impossible to create a definition of "art" that everyone agrees with. Is it purely aesthetic? Does it have to communicate something? Does the message have to be recieved by the viewer? Does it require skill to be made? There are tons of questions that could be answered tons of different ways; I don't need to elaborate further.

However, even if there is no universal definition of what is "art," I can still give my own opinion. An artist without some sort of idea of what they believe they are creating is a sad sight...and one we usually make fun of in art school.

So, to me, "art" can be defined by having met several requirements and by having certain qualities:

1. It does NOT have to be purely aesthetic. Art can be musical, it can be performed, it can be written and read, or it can be looked at.

2. There should be something communicated, or there should be an intent to communicate, through the work of art. This "something" may be an idea or an emotion. For instance, a naturalistic reproduction of, lets say, a banana, just for the sake of hanging on the wall and impressing your friends when they come over, is not what I would consider "communication." I would consider it pure demonstration of skill, and therefore, would call it a "craft," not an "art." On the other hand, I would consider a painting of hundreds of bananas surrounding me, ready to attack, to be a work of art possibly attempting to communicate the idea that bananas are purely evil, or the feeling that they are driving me insane. Whether its art thats worth looking at is debatable, but so are a lot of things.

3. It does not have to be pretty. I don't care to judge whether or not something is a piece of art simply because the artist does or does not have talent. What I would really like to call in for judgment is the thought process behind the art. In other words, why does it exist?

4. The intended communication does not have to be recieved by the viewer. The fact of the matter is, most people are too thick to interpret a work of art just by what they see in front of them. I am including myself in the word "most." Some ideas are easy enough to understand, but some are riddled with metaphors, hidden well, or simply communicated badly. Does this mean the ideas or emotions aren't there? No. It just means the work of art may or may not be as successful as the artist would have hoped, or that the viewer isn't up to the task of interpreting. Success is another subject for another day.

I believe thats pretty much it. "Art" can be made of many mediums, it must intend to communicate, and it doesn't have to be pleasing to the eye or mind. Number two seems to be the most important factor in differentiating between "art" and "craft."

Please, if you have your own ideas, leave a comment.

Now the only question left to be asked about "art" is what constitutes a work of art as complete bull crap or something actually worth stopping and looking at. The world may never know.

And I leave you with a work of my own.

"Hooked"

self portrait

charcoal on 24" x 36"

An Art Blog....

2008-10-04T22:55:00.000-04:00

So I have an art blog. Thanks, Ashley, for the idea!

What to post, what to post? Some art? That almost seems too predictable. I think I'll make you all wait (mostly so I can figure this thing out first).